Christopher Jacob passed away Tuesday @ 12:30

It's hard to put a closing on a story that was unfolding over the last 7 weeks and 2 days.  It may never be closed to me, yet I will forever have this blog, and it reads almost as if I was writing a story, but unfortunately I could not control the ending.  Christopher had gotten his seizures under control Monday and was doing really well.  When I left him Monday night things were looking up and his vent settings were so low it was very promising that we would be coming off the ventilator again Tuesday.  Around 11:00pm Monday night they found blood in his stool and started trying to figure out where it came from.  Hoping it was from an irritation his feedings were stopped and he was put back on the fluids they had just removed him from earlier that day.  Early Tuesday morning when I saw him, he had a fever and his bleeding and aspirating through his feeding tube were getting worse.  As test and x-rays were done, our worse fears became true.  The one thing he had stayed away from, the one thing that a premie can not beat, apparently a side effect of the steroids, a slight tear in his intestine was found.  Immediately he was scheduled for surgery and was to be transported to Childrens Hospital in Birmingham, AL.  However the fear of the intenstinal tear is bile getting out into his blood stream.  Unfortunately this had happened sooner than we had hoped.  Once it got out his blood stream became poisoned and it reached his heart.  A little more than 12 hours after the bleeding was first noticed, he died from heart failure and blood poisoning.  He had beaten everything else.  His lungs, were the best they had ever been that morning when I saw the x-ray.  He would have come off the vent and I believe been a healthy baby very soon, if this has not happened.  I stayed with  him all morning, brushing his hair and talking to him.  He just lay there looking at me as if he was asking me to help him.  I had 7 weeks and 2 days with Christopher.  I know he heard me, I know he saw me, I know he loved me.. I was his mom.  God Bless you "little buddy".

Happy Mothers Day

This is not really the first Mother's Day I had envisioned, however we are still holding on for a brighter future.  Christopher has stablized but they think his phenabarb level (seizure medication) had gotten to low for his status (born with brain bleeding).  So his seizures started up again and was putting a strain on his system.  Sometimes you can't really see them and I think that was the case here.  Either way, last couple days were rough, but I felt a little better by the end of Saturday and I hope Sunday, Mother's Day, will bring a positive day.  Happy Mothers Day to all mothers out there and keep the prayers going.  I will post a picture from Sunday here later today. 

The Roller Coaster is back

They tell us it's up and down.  We had a wonderful week of so many new things and good surprises.  Yet the downhill is always around the corner with premies it seems.  Friday was not a good day for Christopher as he had been moved out of the critical care NICU on Thursday but had to move back today.  They retubed him, thus put him back on the dreaded ventilator.  We're not sure what happened other than he seemed to have just gotten tired.  However Friday night he was fighting the tube and the vent so much he kept  having episodes that caused his oxygen levels to go down and he just seemed to be frustrated.  I think he didn't want the tube back and I hope they will try to get that back out this weekend.  Another possible issue was another seizure so they gave him some medicine for that tonight in hopes it will calm him and stop these episodes.  If he would calm down I think he would be ok, but I don't know.  Either way, please keep the prayers coming for an improved weekend.

Wednesday brings consistency

Today brought a very consistant calm.  Sure he had his "poopy" and "stretching" breakdowns, but otherwise he "sated" extremely well all day.  Staying off the ventilator and increased his feedings back to the full 15cc.  He definately has my metabolism as he still lost a few grams, but that is because he is working harder without the ventilator breathing for him.  Above I am combing his hair, it helps keep him calm when he starts squirming around.  He seems to have found a comfortable way to lay also.  Keep up the prayers!

Amazing jumps in the last few days

It seems every day brings something new.  Sunday he had his tube removed, Monday I got to hold him and today they turned the ventilator off!  See the screen above says "Not Ventilating!"  That was a huge surprise when I came in from my first day back to work.  Of course he could go back on it, but right now he only has the nasal tubes pushing air in, however the amount is nearly at the level of what is considered "room air", which means he is definately breathing on his own.  Pretty good for a baby that is not even suppose to be here for another couple months.  I hope tomorrow holds more wonders!!

A New Adventure

Under the watchful eyes of Dr. Choi and the NICU nurses I got to hold Christopher for the first time ever tonight.  He has done very well on his cpap so far and he was holding his sat's high, so they offered my first chance and of course I took it!!  It was difficult moving all his tubes and wires around with him but I at least got to hold him for about 10 minutes.  He seemed to take it well, holding his own the whole time.  I think even Dr. Choi was surprised as he came by twice just to see how he did.  Usually they would never let a baby on cpap vent and also so small be held, but I've been a "pedestal" in there.  I think they all wanted to give me that chance.  Thank you to the NICU staff, Sandy and Dr. Choi for all they have done.